Sometimes you’ll know because he’ll come out and tell you the relationship is over. Other times, his calls will drop off, he’ll be less available, and you’ll be left wondering if he’s truly busy or quietly moving on. Before you get too upset, determine whether the guy is worth keeping around in the first place. Take out a piece of paper and honestly assess the pros and cons of the relationship. (Note: “Having a man in my life” does not constitute a pro.) Sit back. See what happens.

If you conclude he’s worth holding onto, let him prove it. If he’s been playing it cool, don’t text him, grill his friends for his whereabouts, or arrange to run into him somewhere. If he gets in touch with you and makes a consistent effort to see you, the relationship may indeed be worth salvaging. If, however, he shows up at whim looking for sex, he’s merely a sex partner (and a weasel). If you want more than that, move on to make yourself available for a better man.

Once you decide to move on, the key is to actually move on. This will help: Using that list of relationship cons, write down in vivid detail situations where your ex annoyed, embarrassed, or hurt you. Keep this bit of info in your wallet and whip it out whenever you’re tempted to replay a romantic scene between you in your head. It may also help to keep a copy on your bathroom mirror. Paint a room in your house or apartment. Rearrange the furniture. It’s your head. Reclaim it.

In a couple of weeks, when you’re feeling stronger, make a special effort to forgive your ex. This step is for YOU, not him. You’ve heard it before: Holding a grudge is like letting a jerk live rent-free in your head. To forgive him, close your eyes and mentally tell him, “I forgive you.” This will not be easy for a while, but do keep it up. Eventually, you may even work up the strength to pray for the guy. What we wish for others we wish for ourselves. Pray for his happiness.